The Wall Street Journal (subscription required) reports on a new natural danger to suburbanites, wild turkeys!   Whereas in 1930 there were 30,000 wild turkeys in America, today there are about 7 million, many stalking suburbia.   The problem?   They're aggressive!

Animal lovers pooh pooh such talk but naturalists disagree.   They acknowledge that there is indeed a "pecking order" within turkey society.   Turkeys are rather stupid and see other creatures around them as turkeys.   When these beasts are around human beings, certain behaviors encourage attacks.   For example, if you sheepishly walk up to a flock of turkeys to feed them, then turn tail and run, the dominant male turkeys see you as weak and worthy of attack.   Because they populate suburban neighborhoods, they are prone to attack children out playing or riding bicycles.   But many adults complain of being attacked as well, including a man on a motorcycle, a postal worker trying to exit his truck, a hunter practicing his wild turkey call in his backyard, and a woman out for a jog who compared the experience to a scene from the movie "The Birds" except she had nowhere to hide.

Wild turkeys can grow to 4 feet tall.   They can sprint as fast as 20 mph, easily catching anyone not qualified for the Olympic trials.   They not only peck but also have sharp spurs on their legs which they use to scratch foes.   If you are attacked by a wild turkey, may I suggest you kill it, clean it, pay the fine, and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!