The next time your kid messes up on a spelling test, write back to the teacher requesting a higher grade and chalking up the mistakes to "human error."   Scotsman.com reports Rev. Ewan Aitken, executive member for education at City of Edinburgh Council, used this trick to explain errors contained in an invitation to a Christmas tree lighting.

Parts of the invitation read, "I write to invite you to the forth annual Restalrig Community Christmas Tree Lighting event" and "Some suitable singing and a short blessing of the tree and then refreshments will be served curtesy of the playgroup in Craigentinny Community Centre."

Rev. Aitken is charged with the responsibility of improving standards of reading and writing among pupils in Edinburgh.   He reacted to his gaffe by saying, "Here is hard evidence that I am a human being like everyone else.   I apologise if this shows me in a bad light.   What is really important is that we are having a really big event in Restalrig, not whether I can spell or not.   At least I am trying to improve other people's spelling, even if mine is not getting any better."

I don't think we should be too hard on Rev. Aitken or the person to whom he dictated the message.   Even the best of us makes spelling errors.   We all get mental hickups now and again.   But I do think they ought to familiarize themselves with one particular word: S-P-E-L-L-C-H-E-C-K!   While that wouldn't have caught "forth," it would have at least found "curtesy."

A couple caught their Realtor on tape watching porn in their house.

NBC affiliate WCNC in Charlotte, NC reports the couple had given the keys to their Realtor for an open house. The wife set up a video camera just to find out what potential buyers thought and said about their home. Instead, they got something totally unexpected.

"I started noticing some of the lingerie was kind of like not where you would put it. He proceeds to take an X-rated tape out that my husband and I have and puts it in the TV in our bedroom. I hear my cabinet drawers open up and they open up and they close and you can hear him watching the tape and breathing really hard."

The realtor on the tape declined to comment about the couple's allegations. The North Carolina Real Estate Commission acknowledges the agent's improper conduct, but decided not to pursue disciplinary action.

Via Real Estate and How

Being that is pre-lubricated, it should slip on and off pretty easily.

Via ErosBlog

Hawkes Bay Today reports that local police brought 46-year old Kim George McKain into court yesterday charged with breaking the town's liquor ban.

Judge Richard Watson noted the man slurring, and asked him why he was having trouble talking.

McKain said that he was having problems with his dentures because his dog, a Jack Russell, had snatched them right out of his mouth, and chewed them up.

"You've got to watch those jack russells," the judge said. "They're about as bad as a Jack Daniels."

Via DoggieNews

The BBC is reporting that authorities at Earlswood Veterinary Hospital in east Belfast are seeking the owner of a dog that clung to the front grill of a car for 60 miles.

The driver thought he had struck something on the dual carriageway outside Coleraine after hearing a thud, but when he saw nothing on the road, he continued unaware of his "passenger".

It was only when he got out at the Odyssey Arena in Belfast that he heard a barking sound coming from the front bonnet.

Somehow, the dog managed to hold on to the front of the car, for 60 miles.

Despite the circumstances, the dog is pretty well, with no serious injuries, despite an angry demeanor. Because of his grumpiness, they named him "Father Jack" in honor of the cantankerous priest from the television sitcom Father Ted.

Via DoggieNews

The Wall Street Journal (subscription required) reports on a new natural danger to suburbanites, wild turkeys!   Whereas in 1930 there were 30,000 wild turkeys in America, today there are about 7 million, many stalking suburbia.   The problem?   They're aggressive!

Animal lovers pooh pooh such talk but naturalists disagree.   They acknowledge that there is indeed a "pecking order" within turkey society.   Turkeys are rather stupid and see other creatures around them as turkeys.   When these beasts are around human beings, certain behaviors encourage attacks.   For example, if you sheepishly walk up to a flock of turkeys to feed them, then turn tail and run, the dominant male turkeys see you as weak and worthy of attack.   Because they populate suburban neighborhoods, they are prone to attack children out playing or riding bicycles.   But many adults complain of being attacked as well, including a man on a motorcycle, a postal worker trying to exit his truck, a hunter practicing his wild turkey call in his backyard, and a woman out for a jog who compared the experience to a scene from the movie "The Birds" except she had nowhere to hide.

Wild turkeys can grow to 4 feet tall.   They can sprint as fast as 20 mph, easily catching anyone not qualified for the Olympic trials.   They not only peck but also have sharp spurs on their legs which they use to scratch foes.   If you are attacked by a wild turkey, may I suggest you kill it, clean it, pay the fine, and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

The world's "ugliest" dog has died at the age of 14.   The dog is the three time champion of ugliness at the Sonoma-Marin fair in California and has used his fame to forge a brief TV career.   The dog's owner and boyfriend were repulsed by him.   The boyfriend actually left over the dog's looks.   But later the woman included the dog's in a picture she placed on an online dating service through which she met her current boyfriend.

My mother used to warn me, "you really ought to keep your room a little more clean."   She also warned me against calling 911 when I was growing marijuana for sale inside my house!   She told me, "It is never good to call 911 if you're growing pot in your house but it is even worse to invite the cops in to have a look around if you haven't put away your goods."

Recently, a man made this apparently common mistake when he thought he heard someone trying to break into his house.   When police came into his house in Palm Springs, CA, they found an 8 foot plant and nearly $100,000 worth of weed packaged and ready for sale.   They also found more plants growing in the garage, syringes, a methamphetamine pipe and other drug paraphernalia.

Her name is Megan Riley, she's 13 years old, and she's from Costa Mesa, California, and she's got the keenest taste buds in the world.

That's the outcome of the "The Kid With the Sharpest Taste Buds" contest hosted by Arm & Hammer Fridge-n-Freezer Baking Soda.

Here's what Megan had to do to beat out her competitors...

• Correctly identify specific flavors of ice cream, jelly and jam sandwiches and ice pops



• Showcase their overall knowledge of taste buds (e.g. What and where are the four taste sensations? Which is the most sensitive taste bud of them all?)



• Perform a 30-second minimum stand-up routine on why they have the sharpest taste buds

For her extraordinary skills, Megan gets $1,000, a year's worth of ice cream, and a special office at Arm & Hammer's Good Taste Labs in Princeton, NJ.

Over a month ago we discussed the often ignored issue of cruelty to vegetables.   Perhaps you thought we were kidding around.   Today there is news that the problem is far more prevalent than you might think.

Gulf Daily News reports a giant white radish that is the pride of a Aioi, Japanese is in intensive care after an attempt on its life.   The town nicknamed the vegetable "Gutsy Radish" because of its "tenacity and strong will to live."   It grew right through pavement!   Townspeople were moved to tears when it was learned that someone had assaulted the vegetable by cutting off its top.

No reports of the radish's condition nor prognosis for recovery were available at this writing.

The Houston Chronicle reports this picture represents members of the Clandestine Insurgence Rebel Clown Army sneaking up on police near the U.S. Embassy in Edinburgh, Scotland.   The clowns were part of a Stop The War Coalition march.   It remains unclear whether the group managed to take over the embassy.   No additional information was available.

Scientists have completed a 40 year study and concluded that those who exercise for one half hour per day, five days per week, will on average live 3.5 years longer.   The study involved 4,121 normal adults in their daily lives.   Each was grouped into low, medium and high activity.

One half hour for five days per week, 52 weeks per year for 40 years yields 5,200 hours of exercise.   In an additional 3.5 years you will:

• sleep for (assuming 8 hours per night) 10,220 hours;
  
• Deal with hygiene for (assuming an hour per day) 1,300 hours;
  
• work and commute for (assuming 200 work days each 8 hours long and 2 hours per day of commuting) 7,000 hours;
  
• Sit down and eat for (assuming daily meals take 2.5 hours) 3,194 hours;
  
• Watch TV (assuming 2 hours per day) 2,600 hours;
  
• Be left with 3,874 hours
  

Your net lost time would be your "free time" of 3,874 hours less the 5,200 hours you spent exercising, for a loss of 1,326 hours or about two months.   Of course, if you are reading this web site, you are already too sedentary and have far too much free time on your hands as it is.

While a group of people in the Netherlands attempted to set a new world's record of dominoes, a sparrow flew in and knocked over 23,000 of the dominoes.

An angry Dutchman retrieved his air gun, cornered the sparrow, and shot it.

Now, animal rights activists are investigating the matter. Endemol, the TV firm which organised the event, defended the killing, saying more than 100 people had worked for more than a month setting up the dominoes.

A woman who had received treatment at a state run hospital in India screamed for help as pain overwhelmed her the night after her surgery.   Nurses told her it was normal to feel pain from the infection.   The next day her relatives took off her eye patch to see what was going on and found swarming ants which had eaten a hole in her eyeball.

Hey, you came here for weird news and we aim to please.   Don't get mad at us.

China is busy cleaning up signs to prepare for the Olympics in 2008.   The one at the right is meant to mark an ethnic diversity park!   Another sign which read "Stop to Smoke" but really meant "No Smoking."   While their desire to accomodate English speaking people and make things easier for them is commendable, the Chinese neddn't be embarrassed by their signage.   There are numerous errant signs listed on one web site.   Here are som of our favorites seen in hotels throughout the world:

• Moscow: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
  
• Bucharest: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
  
• Paris: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
  
• Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
  
• Japan: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
  

I don't know how I could live without these sorts of things.

Pennsylvania is currently drafting proposed regulations to allow hunters to use the atlatl (pronounced at-lad-ul), a small wooden device used to propel a six-foot dart as fast as 80 mph.   It has been suggested that the atlatl was effective for hunting and killing wooly mammoths when those beasts last roamed the Earth!   Pennsylvania hunters are chomping at the bit for the chance to use a prehistoric weapon that requires the hunter to get intimately close to his prey.   There are a handful of states which permit use of the atlatl for hunting but one which allows it as well as spears notes that spear hunters outnumber atlatl hunters.   I suppose it is an acquired taste since it obviously makes hunting into a far more sporting ordeal.

Urban Outfitters is offering for sale this holiday season the "classic pathetic Christmas tree," an exact replica of the Charlie Brown tree.   The tree will set you back just 24 bucks plus shipping but think of all the lights you won't buy, won't struggle to cover the tree with, and won't pay for electricity to light.   Urban Outfitters says, "The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic."

What's in that box?   Who cares, we can take whatever it is out.

The cardboard box has finally taken its rightful position in the National Toy Hall of Fame.   After years of being underappreciated by scores of parents yet always appreciated by children, the corrugated cardboard box has finally received the recognition it so richly deserves.   Invented by Robert Gair, Brooklyn, NY, in 1890, it has become the single most important invention to the shipping industry.   You have to admit it is very useful for packaging but its utility as a toy is unmatched.

Robert Brooks was out for a drive when he forgot to watch out for deer.   He pulled his car over and got out.   He noticed another car's headlights approaching but didn't see the flying deer which broke his ankle.

Brooks was driving near San Francisco when he thought he had hit a deer.   He pulled over to see if his car had any damage but while he was checking, a second car smashed into the deer and sent it careening into Brooks, breaking his ankle.   The other driver, possibly knowing how dangerous the deer in the area are, never stopped.

I can clearly remember when bras were good and then they became bad.   Now it seems they are good again.   Japanese companies are coming out with warm bras to help their customers save on energy costs this winter.   The bra contains a gel, which when microwaved, will keep at least one part of a woman's body warm this winter.   Since Japan is encouraging folks to keep their thermostats down to 68 this winter in order to reduce carbon emissions, this bra may become a necessity.

Bra technology is getting a boost these days.   Hong Kong's Polytechnic University is now offering a degree in bra studies.   I may have to go back to college.   But first I'll have to learn to speak Chinese.

Jamie King, a Virginia resident, plans to spend one month living on a billboard for a chance to win $1 million, beginning November 15th.

It's part of an advertising campaign by SnoreStop, a company that makes anti-snore remedies.

The billboard will be equipped with a Lazy-Boy recliner and a porta-potty.

Located on Board River Road 0.3 miles north of I-20 in Columbia, South Carolina, Jamie will meet and greet supporters before his climb up to the billboard. You can track his progress on his blog.

WFTV.com reports folks in Connecticut will be able to take a Seriously Bad Elf home for the holidays.   Seriously Bad Elf is a British beer.   The label, as you should be able to see, shows an elf shooting ornaments at Santa's Sleigh with a slingshot.   Connecticut does not allow alcoholic beverages promoted with images that appeal to children.   But the state is allowing the beer to be sold because these regulations apply only to booze, not beer.   The company which imported the beer threatened to sue if the state tried to bar them from selling it.   So if you are looking for the merchant selling the stuff, look them up under the term "seriously bad beer seller."

My father always warned me against playing catch at night time ... and with live ammo.   He absolutely forbade me from playing catch with hand grenades, especially after it got dark outside.   But not everyone had as capable a parenting as I did.

Reuters reports three youths died in Novi Grad, Bosnia after a hand grenade went off during a game of catch at 2 o'clock in the morning.   News reports said "It was not clear why the grenade exploded."

I wasn't there (I do have that cool picture of the game) but I would like to suggest that the reason the grenade exploded was because the pin fell out.   It was probably too dark out for anyone to notice.   If you're going to play catch with grenades, you really should do this only during daylight hours in order to avoid these kinds of accidents.

Commonwealth Times reports Two Chinese men have been arrested after trying to sneak across the border into Russia on a lawnmower.   The men claimed they had gotten lost while cutting grass.   Russian border guards said this is not the first time this has happened and "We have issued a number of warnings to our opposite numbers in China, but despite that they seem to have no control over the apparent nomadic habits of their gardening nationals."

I guess these guys must have ridden for miles and miles.   My butt itches just thinking about it.

Someone played a little joke on Bob Dougherty, of Nederland, Colorado.   He had to use the facilities while shopping at a Home Depot.   He should have looked before he sat.   Someone covered the toilet seat he used with glue.   And Bob became stuck to the potty.

Bob, recovering from heart bypass surgery at the time of this incident, says he felt "tremendous panic" when he realized he was stuck.   He yelled and yelled for help.   An employee heard him and informed the head clerk but that person thought it was a hoax.   Eventually the store called for paramedics who unbolted the seat and were leading Bob out of the store when he fainted.

It took all of fifteen minutes for the store to realize there was a problem and call for some professional medical help.   Bob is suing the store but not because he feels they are to blame for the practical joke.   He is suing because they ignored him.   Said Bob, "They just let me rot."

Follow-up:

Since it is a light weird news day, I wanted to follow-up on this story.   Reuters is reporting that Bob is "suffering from post-traumatic stress, which has triggered diabetes and heart complications."   He says, "I have these nightmares every night where I am locked in this dark room, with no windows, no doors, no fresh air, no route for escape.   I wake up in these cold sweats."   Bob is seeking "unspecified damages for help with medical and psychiatric bills, for humiliation and for the diabetes he said he has developed as a result of the stress."

Second Follow-up:

The Houston Chronicle reports today that this is not the first time Bob has claimed to be glued to a toilet.   Ron Trzepacz, former director of operations for the town of Nederland, where Dougherty lives says Bob told him in the summer of 2004 he was glued to a toilet seat in the town's visitor center but pulled himself free.   Trzepacz says he inspected the toilet seat in question but found no evidence supporting the claim.

A Billion is a lot, you might even say incomprehensible.   You could not count to one billion during a lifetime.   Yet that's how many people live in China.

You may wonder, as I do, how they ever got so many.   The answer is it only takes about a thousand men like Giocangga, the grandfather of the founder of the Qing dynasty. According to one genealogy site, Giocangga is responsible for 1.5 million male descendants alive today.   Apparently he had a few wives as well as several concubines.

Those must be some family reunions!

A four year old girl was denied a visit from the Tooth Ferry by a doctor who claimed the extracted teeth were now medical waste which could not be turned over to the child's mother.   The mother said, "I was told teeth were now classed as body parts and had to be disposed of by the hospital.   I explained that my daughter had been excited at the prospect of getting money from the tooth fairy, but he just shrugged and walked away."

The above picture is of the doctor the next morning after he received a visit from the Tooth Fairy.   The Tooth Fairy was not pleased.

Malibu is advising residents to "never go to the beach to watch for, or to surf, a tsunami wave!"   City emergency preparedness officials said, "You can't overestimate the intelligence of people out there.   Some people still might see it as a gigantic wave and think, 'This is going to be the ride of my life.'"

Surfers reacted to the this message by saying "it sounds really lame" and "that strikes me as somewhat silly advice."   But the LA Times is quick to point out that in 1994, a tsunami warning in Hawaii drew more than 400 surfers to the North Shore of Oahu.

Just to give you a little perspective on things, the city has some signs posted to direct people to tsunami safe areas.   Those signs are posted at elevations of 90 feet and higher above sea level.